came school at 8 something again today.maybe its a habit aready. cant seem to wake up in the morning. somehow my eyes refuse to open. anyway, feel quite happy today than the past days. maybe its because feeling much better. my head not spinning then my nose surprisingly didnt leak much today. maybe i had a good rest last night. i KO-ed after comb sch training yesterday. slept at 10+ then when my alarm went off at 3am this morning, i off it. couldnt bring myself to study cos i was damn exhausted then my head was aching. then wake up at 640 and i was late for school.

went to eileen's house after school today cos the skirt she brought for me was too long. then went her house to get a skirt that can fit me. thanks eileen! den mel accompanied me to dress for the colours award. so dumb. i feel so weird. haha. den esther came. sort of help me dress.cant believe i wear a skirt.kalp couldnt believe also. she was like saying 'u wore a skirt without anyone forcing you? my my people change.'heh..so funny.heh. thanks mel and esther for helping me dress up then clipping my hair :P

colours award was ok though. but it bring the sad memories back.if only we got top 4 for national schools. if only i had played better during aj game. if only i was more composed during Aj's game.if only i hadnt lose my temper that game. maybe we had better chance of winning and higher chance of getting top 4.then this whole night would be different.different atmosphere.cos i will be sitting with my whole nj team not juz with maisha.not mix with the squash players.then it will be more fun. IF ONLY...sigh.remind me of the day that we lost to aj and all our hopes of getting top 4 was crashed in one day.in one hour. its totally break my heart cos i really want top 4.still remember how it felt.still remember how it felt when ms lim talk to me after the game.asking me how it was. we just talk. sort of blurted out how i felt to her. was at the point of breaking down. why must she come and hug me after that? why must she do that and make me cry that evening? i hate crying in front of people. but i guess that was then. but ms lim, thanks for that night. and for the next day also. i was feeling damn lousy. still remember how you told me not to go for 21s training that day cos i was very down and was exhausted. that feeling stayed within me for a while.that was in the past. really wish i could change it but its beyond my powers. really wish the whole team was with me tonight at the colours award. didnt go for last year one cos of nsl semi.sigh. that is if only..tonight just bring that sad memories back.

anyway, i wouldnt be living in the past. got better things to look forward to.like..this sunday!! sunday got pesta sukan!! yeay! cant wait. so long nv see the 21s people..heh. only see them online. tomorrow got FM mock test. havent finish studying.but i'm so tired aready.fail then at most 'date' Mr Neo for one whole week during the hols only.sigh. juz going to go tomorrow and do wat i can.wheehehe.